JennetteFulda

  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
    • Blog
    • Archives
    • Travel and Adventure
    • Weight-Loss Blog Title Generator
  • Books
    • Books
    • Half-Assed: A Weight-loss Memoir
    • Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn’t Go Away
  • Timeline
  • Contact
    • Contact
    • Advertising

July 1, 2015 12 Comments

Bad, back! Bad!

Yesterday afternoon I couldn’t get off the couch. When I say I couldn’t get off the couch, I don’t mean I was so tired or depressed that I couldn’t will myself off it, I mean I physically could not get off the couch. My lower back had been sore, so I’d lain down on my right side for half an hour to rest, and when I tried to sit upright my back screamed, “NO! YOU CANNOT DO THAT!!” in the form of intense, sharp pain.

I gave it a few minutes and tried again with similar results, which is when I started to wonder how long I would be stuck on the couch. I felt like I’d need to pee in an hour or two, and eventually I would get hungry and thirsty, and if my cat wasn’t fed that night I’m sure I’d hear about it with paw prints all over my face. So if I couldn’t get up within a few hours, I would have to call for help. My phone was on the side table at the opposite end of the couch, but I was fairly certain I could grab it with my toes if I was careful. But even if I could call someone, the door was locked, and I had no way of unlocking it from the couch, so I would have to call the apartment complex’s office and ask them to give someone a spare key. And which one of my friends would I call about this embarrassing situation, anyway?

It’s shocking how quickly I had become so helpless, and how that helplessness had turned my life into a puzzle I had to solve. I felt bad for every time I’d laughed at those Lifecall ads from the 80’s with an old lady who says, “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” Not being able to get up is really awful.

I was lying on my right side, so I grabbed onto the back of the couch with my left hand and tried to pull myself up using just my arm strength, but was greeted with the same sharp back pains. Next I grabbed some pillows and a comforter and stuffed them under my right side, which righted me enough that I was now halfway sitting up at a 45 degree angle to the couch.

This is when I decided I’ve have to force my way through the pain and sit up, no matter how excruciating it was. I am well acquainted with pain. I’ve had a headache for seven and a half years, and I survived a nine-hour gallbladder attack a decade ago. So, I knew I could handle the pain if necessary. However, this scenario was a bit different because I was the agent of the pain, causing it by moving, and when you’re doing something that hurts your first instinct is to stop doing that. I thought about martial artists who are able to break boards by swiftly and confidently hitting them with their hands, and OOOMPF! I was finally sitting up.

I rested for several minutes before moving the end table in front of me to use for support as I hauled myself off the couch, again with a swift and confident movement, and amazingly I was standing up! It only took me 30 minutes. I was then able to hobble to the medicine cabinet to take some ibuprofen and then iced my back once every hour for the next few hours. I’ve never in my life so desperately wished I could pee standing up, but thankfully I was able to relieve myself without getting stuck in the bathroom.

I’m feeling better today, but it definitely still hurts, so I don’t think I’ll be back to normal for another few days. Sadly, I think the reason I hurt my back is because I sit so much during the day doing my web design work. In the past two weeks I’ve made an effort to stand and walk more during the day to strengthen those muscles and I must have overdone it. I really should start doing Pilates again.

I injured my back once in my teens when I was helping my dad move a radial arm saw and another time in my twenties when I (swear to God) rolled over in bed. So this seems to be something that happens to me every 10 years. It’s also one more thing that makes me feel like my body is slowly breaking down and that my best years physically are behind me. Aging has made me a wiser and more confident person mentally, but when it comes to my body, getting older sucks.

  • Tweet
  • Email
  • More
  • Print
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket

Leave a Comment (12) Read more about: aging, back pain, injury, pain

Jennette Fulda is the author of:

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away

"Smart, unflinchingly honest, and laugh-out-loud funny."

- Lisa Genova, New York Times best-selling author of Still Alice

  • Amazon
  • Barnes & Noble
  • Powell's
  • Indiebound
You may also like:
  • Remind me never to go off my meds again
  • Like the back of my hand
  • And we all fall down…or just me, actually
  • Let’s get physical…therapy.
Post navigation
Later: Stuff I like: July 2015
Earlier: Charleston, again
Home: Main blog index

Comments

  1. CARLA says

    July 2, 2015 at 5:37 am

    oh I SHOUTED the last three words to myself at myself after 3 nights in a hotel bed in denver.
    OHMYACHINGBACK then too.
    I blame glider yoga though 🙂

    Reply
  2. Meg says

    July 2, 2015 at 11:50 am

    You could call me! I would come over and bring you dinner! (Seriously, I hurt my back a couple years ago, and VIVIDLY remember the complicated gymnastics between sitting down and standing up, ugh.)

    Reply
    • Jennette Fulda says

      July 2, 2015 at 1:42 pm

      @Meg – I was debating whether to call you and Harold or if I should call the friend who cat-sits for me and already has a key but may or may not be in the UK right now. Good to know I can keep you on my personal Lifecall list 🙂

      Reply
  3. AquaMarine says

    July 2, 2015 at 6:14 pm

    Ah the joys of getting older! I remember that a good night’s sleep could get rid of my aches and pains when I was a teenager and 20-something. Now I need plenty of ibuprofen and several days to recover from the same aches and pains. Luckily, I have a good massage therapist who works miracles on my achy shoulders.

    Glad your back is starting to improve a bit. At least it’s going in the right direction.

    Reply
  4. Natalie says

    July 2, 2015 at 8:21 pm

    This is why you need a trained monkey pet instead of a cat.

    Reply
    • Jennette Fulda says

      July 2, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      @Natalie – LOL, it did occur to me how useless a cat is during a back pain emergency when all he would do is crawl on top of me.

      Reply
  5. Sue B says

    July 3, 2015 at 3:07 am

    I have had a nasty back/knee/hip thing that went on for 6 months this year. It has finally cleared up. What helped. Actual Ibuprofen, NOT ALeeve. A new computer chair. Fewer computer hours. Chiropractor, yes it worked. And when my sacrum went out he was able to make that better really fast. Ditching the crocs for New Balance shoes (made in US version) seems to have made the long lasting corrective impact.

    Reply
  6. JudithNYC says

    July 3, 2015 at 2:09 pm

    I feel for you. I have had several of those episodes since my 30s. The good news is that you will learn you to avoid them. I am 65 now and my back has not totally clenched in at least 10 yrs. Don’t get me wrong, I still get back pain and stiffness, but not the “OMG, I can’t move even to make myself more comfortable in bed, let alone get off the bed/couch/toilet seat.” Yep, toilet seat. Talk about embarrassing!

    Reply
  7. Caryn says

    July 3, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    Back pain sucks. My husband is looking into buying a standing desk for his home office since he sits at the computer so much. We’re looking at an adjustable one that would allow him to stand some and sit some.

    As a side note, I once won a trip to Chicago via a radio contest centered around that “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” commercial.

    Reply
  8. Amy says

    August 17, 2015 at 11:16 pm

    Hi! I found pasta queen about a month ago and have since followed you all the way through to now. Which makes me sound a little creepy, but I promise I’m not!
    It sucks that your hurt your back, but I was more wondering about the fact that you said cat and not cats. Did I miss something? Do you still have Krupke and Java Bean?

    Reply
    • Jennette Fulda says

      August 17, 2015 at 11:33 pm

      @Amy – Hi Amy, thanks for dropping by. Officer Krupke stayed in Indianapolis with my mom when I moved to North Carolina with Java Bean. I never posted anything about it because the last time I posted about possibly breaking up my cats people said rude, judgmental things. Both kitties are doing very well, and Office Krupke is loved very much by my mom, as you can tell in her comment here: https://www.jennettefulda.com/2015/02/snowpocalypse-2015/#comment-4852

      Reply
      • Amy says

        August 18, 2015 at 5:01 pm

        @Jennette Fulda – Oh, whew! So glad he’s ok! Seems like he’s being very well taken care of by your mom. I understand cat drama, sometimes cats just don’t want to be around other cats!

        Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I wrote some books

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn’t Go AwayHalf-Assed: A weight-loss memoir

Follow Me

Jennette Fulda on Facebook

Recent Posts

  • That billionaire brat made me feel bad that Twitter is imploding
  • No one grows old on DVD or CD-ROM
  • Losing more than 100 pounds…again: Part 3 – The Differences
  • Losing more than 100 pounds…again: Part 2 – Losing Weight
  • Losing more than 100 pounds…again: Part 1 – Regaining Weight
503

Travel and Adventure

Weight-Loss Blog Title Generator

Most Popular Posts

  • Two weeks of Blue Apron: Six recipes, one blogger, and not enough bowls.
  • Remind me never to go off my meds again
  • Like the back of my hand
  • The Big Move in Retrospect: Everything good and the bad about moving from Indianapolis to Chapel Hill
  • It’s hard to type when you break your arm
  • My health insurance denial letters. Past or future?
  • Punta Cana, Dominican Republic: Day 1, Getting there is half the fun!
  • Not a picture I’ll be bragging about

Blog Archives

Search

Know thyself, quiz Monday

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, chronic headache sufferer, (former?) weight-loss inspiration, and seemingly nice person (who is silently judging you). You can contact her if you promise to be nice.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Follow Me

Blog Archives

Newsletter

One day I might actually e-mail something to my mailing list. If you want to be there for that moment, sign up below.

AS SEEN IN

  • The Washington Post
  • The Today Show
  • The New York Times
  • The Wall Street Journal
  • The Globe and Mail
  • Associated Press
  • Women's Health
  • Glamour
  • Shape Magazine
  • Runner's World
  • Health
  • The Early Show
  • MSNBC
Copyright © 2023 Jennette Fulda • All Rights Reserved • Privacy Policy • Site design by Makeworthy Media