This is the last Diet Dr. Pepper I had. The photo is date-stamped for August 5th, which means I’ve been off of sodas for…hmmm…let’s see…FAR TOO LONG!

I’ve had an on-again, off-again relationship with soda dating all the way back to our first break-up in 2004. If diet soda were a person, all my friends would be telling me to ditch that guy for real this time because he’s no good for me or my teeth. Then I’d reply, “But he can be so sweet and bubbly! You don’t know him like I do!” I know in my head that he’s no good for me, but my heart (or my tongue) just can’t say no.

This time around the dissolution of our partnership was ordered by my new headache doctor. New state, new neurologist. He’s making me avoid artificial sweeteners and preservatives because they can inflame your nervous system and___________ (fill in the blank with the bazillion reasons I know fake foods aren’t good for you, but that I don’t want to hear).

Anyway, I have no reasonable counterargument to convince either my doctor or myself that TV dinners and Nutrasweet are headache reducers, so I’ve been enforcing the diet restrictions as he prescribed…mostly. He wants me to go off coffee too and I haven’t yet sit down with Mr. Coffee to serve him our divorce papers.

Do you know what I’ve been drinking? Water. Just water! For days and days and days! It’s been AWFUL. I have to get up and pee in the middle of the night because of all the water I’m drinking.

Even though I know these diet changes are probably good for me, I miss my fake foods! Plus, preservatives and artificial flavorings are in everything! When you read the labels, you discover they add them to yogurt, ketchup, bread, soup and practically everything at the grocery. Eating only “real” foods is hard, and much more labor intensive. And even though I know diet changes like this help some headache sufferers, I went through this song and dance two years ago and saw no results, so I get the feeling all this work and suffering is going to do nothing for my suffering.

I figure, I will try this for a month and when it doesn’t do anything for my headache I shall schedule a consultation with my favorite doctor: Dr. Pepper.