Tuesday, June 29, 2010
12:00pm – Drive to Budget with Baby Brother to pick up truck that I reserved with 20% off coupon. Beat that, U-haul! After visual inspection, decide to get 16′ truck instead of 10′ truck to be sure everything will fit. Desk clerks are answering phones and swearing at their 1980’s dot-matrix printer that is malfunctioning like any printer older than my Baby Brother would. Remembering my Jetta vs. armored truck incident, I buy extra insurance.

12:30pm – Dial Baby Bro’s cell phone from my Saturn as I trail behind him on the way home, totally disregarding Oprah’s No Phone Zone campaign.

“Hey, did they put a dolly on the truck?”

“…”

12:40pm – Say hi to clerks who hate their jobs and grab last dolly, tossing it in the trunk with my back seats folded down.

1:00pm-4:00pm – Baby Bro and I load the truck with approximately 70 boxes, two bookshelves, a night stand, a kitchen cart, and a TV stand. Process goes so amazingly smoothly that I fully expect the truck to explode tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010
3:00am – Wake up in middle of the night, certain thieves have broken the padlock on the truck and are stealing my She-Ra action figures. Realize She-Ra is fully capable of protecting herself with her magic sword and talking horse. Go back to sleep.

6:30am – Wake up to sun, dreading 13-hour trip ahead of me, yet also wanting to get this show on the road.

7:30am – Crawl out of bed. Make coffee. Eat oatmeal. Pack electronic items and remaining miscellaneous materials into car. Baby Bro hands me Tekken 3 PlayStation Game that he borrowed many years ago. Grateful for the return, but where the hell am I supposed to put this?

8:50am – Say good-bye to Mom who is bawling her eyes out and doing the ugly cry. Give one last hug, tell her I love her, and tell her she can visit anytime.

9:00am – Baby Bro leads in the Budget truck and I follow in the Saturn. Carolinas, here we come!

9:10am – Expected my feline company to be crying like I’d revealed cat chow was made from baby kittens. Instead, it is frighteningly quiet and I can see Java Bean in the front seat cowering in the back of his carrier.

11:00am – Nearly careen into bright yellow semi-truck and a mini-van as Baby Bro and I merge into the far right lane on the I-65 bridge to Louisville. Didn’t check to see if they did, but wouldn’t blame anyone for flipping us the bird.

12:00pm – Stop for gas in Lexington. Baby Bro shields the price on the pump from me. “How much do you think it is?” he asks.

“I dunno, $40?”

Baby Bro cringes, removes hand. Price is $50 and still climbing! Does not bode well for my chances on The Price is Right.

12:10pm – Park truck in Meijer parking lot and drive with Bro in Saturn for lunch at the busiest Chic-fil-A in America. There are two packed drive-thrus and a line literally out the door. Fast food only considered fast to geriatric snails.

12:20pm – Convinced thieves are breaking into the truck and stealing my Cowboy Bebop DVD collection.

12:30pm – Return to parking lot and glad to see padlock in place. Get back on the road after eating lunch. Merge onto highway without pissing off any truckers this time.

3:30pm – Stop for stretch break in Knoxville, Tennessee. Feline company is uninterested in getting out for food or pee break.

4:00pm – Back on the road. Baby Bro is getting sick of same three songs playing on pop radio over and over again. Glad I have MP3 player filled with music, podcasts, and audio books, but feel a bit guilty for it. The random-play-all function would work better if it didn’t keep pulling audio book chapters into the mix. “Chapter Four” is really hard to dance too.

5:00pm – Wow, the mountains are BEAUTIFUL!

5:20pm – HOLY SHIT, the mountains are SCARY! SLOW DOWN! SLOW DOWN! For the love of GOD, SLOW DOWN!!!

7:00pm – Bladder is about to burst. Tell Oprah I’m sorry and call Baby Bro on cell phone, asking for pee break. Stop at Morganton exit in North Carolina. Let the feline company out. Java Bean hides under pedals, still too terrified to pee. Officer Krupke is particularly cuddly today.

7:30pm – Back in the vehicles for one final push to Big Bro’s house in Durham!

8:30pm – Sun is setting. Turn air conditioner down and take sunglasses off. Headache has been playing fairly nice today, but is starting to kick the inside of my skull. Pop a pill from my purse. Realize it has been MUCH easier following someone on this drive. No need to monitor speed, decide to pass people, or watch exits carefully. Has most likely saved my headache from squeezing my brain particularly hard and causing me to careen off a scenic cliff.

9:30pm – See exit sign for Chapel Hill! If I’d signed my lease already, I’d be almost home now!

10:00pm – Arrive at Big Bro’s house in Durham. Stagger out of car, carrying feline company with me into guestroom.

11:00pm – Crash in guestroom where feline company is presumably hiding under the bed, grateful the truck did not explode and that I am still in possession of She-Ra action figures.

To be continued…