JennetteFulda

  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
    • Blog
    • Archives
    • Travel and Adventure
    • Weight-Loss Blog Title Generator
  • Books
    • Books
    • Half-Assed: A Weight-loss Memoir
    • Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn’t Go Away
  • Timeline
  • Contact
    • Contact
    • Advertising

December 16, 2008 Leave a Comment

Hello, my name is Jennette and I’m a food addict

They say addiction starts with a broken promise. You promise not to have a third drink and then you wake up the next morning with no memory of falling asleep in your own barf. You promise not to have a cigarette and then you’re bumming just one more from a friend. You promise not to overeat on Thanksgiving and then you go back for four pieces of cake and a piece of pie.

The fact that you have to make the promise shows that you have a problem. I’ve never had to promise not to take another drink because I don’t care much for alcohol. It makes my headache worse and I’ve never thought the buzz was worth all the calories. There’s a bottle of vodka that has been in my freezer since July and it will probably still be there next year. That’s how I know I’m not an alcoholic. However, I have often promised myself that I will only eat half the meal at a restaurant and then eaten the whole plate. I’ve promised I won’t drive to the grocery store for ice cream, and then ridden home with a half-pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I’ve promised I wouldn’t eaten a lot of things and then I’ve eaten them anyway.

Which is why I have to say, “Hello, my name is Jennette and I’m a food addict.”

Last year I reviewed a book about food addiction and mentioned that I did not consider myself a food addict. One or two people commented, “Really? Are you sure?” I used to weigh almost 400 pounds. It’s not out of the question to wonder if I had a deeper problem than licking the beaters too many times. But things had been going pretty well and I had been eating really well and exercising and I didn’t think I had much of a problem with food.

In the past year however, my life has spiraled out of control in interesting ways, which has made me want to eat. Food is my drug, Kroger is my dealer and I’ve definitely been using. I’m still not sure if “addict” is quite the right word. The term “compulsive eater” might be a better description. I’ve definitely felt compelled to eat. I’ve wanted to eat chocolate in a way that is more powerful than just a desire for something yummy. I’ve wanted to eat when I’m not hungry. I’ve wanted to eat when I know it will make me gain weight or cause me health problems, and I’ve done it anyway. I’ve wanted to eat in some primal way that goes beyond just the need for survival.

When I’ve resisted the urge, it’s been hard. Very hard. I’ve sat on my hands in restaurants. I’ve gone to take a nap because I know I won’t eat in my sleep. I’ve manically gnawed on celery in an attempt to fill me up so I won’t eat an entire batch of muffins. Many times the only reason I haven’t eaten seconds is because I know other people will notice. I’ve looked at the half-eaten meals on friends plates at dinners and realized they don’t have the same need to keep eating that I do. I’ve realized I’m a bit different.

I’ve been reading All In My Head, a book by Paula Kamen about her fight with chronic daily headache. When speaking about the disease of headache she quotes Susan Sontag who says, “Theories that diseases are caused by mental states and can be cured by will power are always an index of how much is not understood about the physical terrain of a disease.” That can certainly be said of obesity. I think it’s true of addiction too. I don’t know why I am the way I am. Perhaps someday in the future they’ll be able to reprogram people’s brains so they don’t feel these destructive compulsions. All I know is that I have a screwed up relationship with food and I probably always will.

I know someone out there will now suggest I should go to Overeaters Anonymous. Thanks for your concern and for the suggestion. I’m glad there are programs out there for food addicts that have helped many people, but OA does not seem like a good fit for me at this time. As long as I avoid certain trigger foods or keep those foods in my trunk (like the bagels and honey that are freezing in the parking lot as I type), I seem to do ok. I only hit serious trouble when my life goes out of balance in other ways and in my sadness I reach for the Ho-Hos. But I can still recover from that by going to the gym and eating well for several days afterwards.

For now, it’s just enough for me that I can say, “Hello, my name is Jennette and I’m a compulsive eater.”

  • Tweet
  • Email
  • More
  • Print
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Pocket

Leave a Comment Read more about: addiction, compulsive eating, food, food addiction, obesity, overeaters anonymous, overeating

Jennette Fulda is the author of:

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn't Go Away

"Smart, unflinchingly honest, and laugh-out-loud funny."

- Lisa Genova, New York Times best-selling author of Still Alice

  • Amazon
  • Barnes & Noble
  • Powell's
  • Indiebound
You may also like:
  • Sixty minutes
  • Marinating in the migraine of pain
  • We seemed to have misplaced our meatballs
  • Obesity as an illness of metaphor
Post navigation
Later: I want birth control for food (that doesn’t make me shit my pants)
Earlier: A sickness I can name
Home: Main blog index

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I wrote some books

Chocolate & Vicodin: My Quest for Relief from the Headache that Wouldn’t Go AwayHalf-Assed: A weight-loss memoir

Follow Me

Jennette Fulda on Facebook

Recent Posts

  • That billionaire brat made me feel bad that Twitter is imploding
  • No one grows old on DVD or CD-ROM
  • Losing more than 100 pounds…again: Part 3 – The Differences
  • Losing more than 100 pounds…again: Part 2 – Losing Weight
  • Losing more than 100 pounds…again: Part 1 – Regaining Weight
502

Travel and Adventure

Weight-Loss Blog Title Generator

Most Popular Posts

  • Two weeks of Blue Apron: Six recipes, one blogger, and not enough bowls.
  • Remind me never to go off my meds again
  • Like the back of my hand
  • The Big Move in Retrospect: Everything good and the bad about moving from Indianapolis to Chapel Hill
  • It’s hard to type when you break your arm
  • My health insurance denial letters. Past or future?
  • Punta Cana, Dominican Republic: Day 1, Getting there is half the fun!
  • Not a picture I’ll be bragging about

Blog Archives

Search

Know thyself, quiz Monday

Jennette Fulda tells stories to the Internet about her life as a smartass, writer, chronic headache sufferer, (former?) weight-loss inspiration, and seemingly nice person (who is silently judging you). You can contact her if you promise to be nice.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for keyboards ruined by coffee spit-takes or forehead wrinkles caused by deep thought.

Follow Me

Blog Archives

Newsletter

One day I might actually e-mail something to my mailing list. If you want to be there for that moment, sign up below.

AS SEEN IN

  • The Washington Post
  • The Today Show
  • The New York Times
  • The Wall Street Journal
  • The Globe and Mail
  • Associated Press
  • Women's Health
  • Glamour
  • Shape Magazine
  • Runner's World
  • Health
  • The Early Show
  • MSNBC
Copyright © 2023 Jennette Fulda • All Rights Reserved • Privacy Policy • Site design by Makeworthy Media